. . . of how law school is a bizarre and surreal experience:
You can actually, with your own ears, hear someone begin a sentence with "From what I have read about the African-Americans . . ."
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Saturday, January 14, 2006
They ALL need to go on Dr. Phil
So I love Lord of the Rings (LotR), both the books and the movies. But as I'm watching Return of the King for the eight millionth time, I'm realizing how much simpler some parts would have been if the characters were a little better at communicating. Somehow responding to an idea with nothing but a dramatic look doesn't really convey much information. Let me give you an example of a conversation that could have made certain episodes a lot easier:
Frodo: So, yeah, that's pretty much the deal. This ring is making me so crazy that all I can do at crucial moments is fall down, my overly affectionate gardener is pretty much keeping the shit together, and this creepy guy is our guide.
Faramir: Duuuude, that's crazy! I mean, seriously! You guys are actually going to Mordor?
Frodo: Well, we've already come all this way, so, you know . . . why not?
Faramir: How the hell are you guys getting there?
Frodo: I'm not sure on the details, but the creepy dude knows this way to get in. It's like, through the mountains up these stairs and shit.
Faramir: *Dramatic Look*
Frodo: What? What?
Faramir: I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do, but I think I should warn you that there is a huge fucking spider that lives up there and you need to stay the heck out of the caves.
See how that went? See how much easier the whole thing could have been if Frodo had known not to go in the caves? He would have realized that Gollum was screwing him over before the whole giant spider incident. Here's another time that a little give and take could have helped everybody out:
Aragorn: I'm gonna go wander around this weird rock formation and look for some hair gel. Are you guys okay here?
Hobbits: Sure!
Aragorn: Okay, I trust you, but you really need to be careful. *Dramatic Look*
Hobbits: We will be!
Aragorn: I know you guys think that I'm just trying to scare you, but I'm serious. Those freaky hooded guys are really fast and if you do anything that could attract attention then will totally show up and wail on your asses.
Was that so hard?? Is it that difficult to give people proper warning? I think the problem is that all the characters are men. (I'm sort of kidding) But that might not be a bad thing - imagine if Aragorn was a girl:
Aragornia: I'm going to go wander around this rock formation and look for some hair gel. Are you guys okay here?
Hobbits: Sure! Can we see you naked?
Aragornia: In your dreams. Anyway, you guys really need to be careful. *Dramatic Look*
Hobbits: We will be! Can we see you naked??
Aragornia: I know you guys think that I'm just trying to scare you, but I'm serious. Those freaky hooded guys are really fast and if you do anything that could attract attention then will totally show up and wail on your asses. Are you guys even listening? You never listen to me. I saved your sorry butts in the forest and I brought you all the way here, I had to listen to your whining for days, and you can't even lift your pinkie finger to try and make things a little easier for me. I mean, did you even take out the trash? It's just never enough for you guys, is it . . . *Rant continues*
And, Nikki, what do you think of the name "Aragornia"? Shall I suggest it to Jub & Brian?
Frodo: So, yeah, that's pretty much the deal. This ring is making me so crazy that all I can do at crucial moments is fall down, my overly affectionate gardener is pretty much keeping the shit together, and this creepy guy is our guide.
Faramir: Duuuude, that's crazy! I mean, seriously! You guys are actually going to Mordor?
Frodo: Well, we've already come all this way, so, you know . . . why not?
Faramir: How the hell are you guys getting there?
Frodo: I'm not sure on the details, but the creepy dude knows this way to get in. It's like, through the mountains up these stairs and shit.
Faramir: *Dramatic Look*
Frodo: What? What?
Faramir: I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do, but I think I should warn you that there is a huge fucking spider that lives up there and you need to stay the heck out of the caves.
See how that went? See how much easier the whole thing could have been if Frodo had known not to go in the caves? He would have realized that Gollum was screwing him over before the whole giant spider incident. Here's another time that a little give and take could have helped everybody out:
Aragorn: I'm gonna go wander around this weird rock formation and look for some hair gel. Are you guys okay here?
Hobbits: Sure!
Aragorn: Okay, I trust you, but you really need to be careful. *Dramatic Look*
Hobbits: We will be!
Aragorn: I know you guys think that I'm just trying to scare you, but I'm serious. Those freaky hooded guys are really fast and if you do anything that could attract attention then will totally show up and wail on your asses.
Was that so hard?? Is it that difficult to give people proper warning? I think the problem is that all the characters are men. (I'm sort of kidding) But that might not be a bad thing - imagine if Aragorn was a girl:
Aragornia: I'm going to go wander around this rock formation and look for some hair gel. Are you guys okay here?
Hobbits: Sure! Can we see you naked?
Aragornia: In your dreams. Anyway, you guys really need to be careful. *Dramatic Look*
Hobbits: We will be! Can we see you naked??
Aragornia: I know you guys think that I'm just trying to scare you, but I'm serious. Those freaky hooded guys are really fast and if you do anything that could attract attention then will totally show up and wail on your asses. Are you guys even listening? You never listen to me. I saved your sorry butts in the forest and I brought you all the way here, I had to listen to your whining for days, and you can't even lift your pinkie finger to try and make things a little easier for me. I mean, did you even take out the trash? It's just never enough for you guys, is it . . . *Rant continues*
And, Nikki, what do you think of the name "Aragornia"? Shall I suggest it to Jub & Brian?
Monday, January 09, 2006
It was from a "Svetlana Munsh"
In other news, I just got the best spam/virus email ever at my hotmail address. Most of them have address lines that talk about coupons or penile enlargements, but this one had an address line that just said "I want Canada Man".
Tis' the Season
The post-holiday season is a great time to shop because of all the sales. And these past few weeks have been particularly great for me to shop because I'm on winter break. Therefore, I thought I'd post about my current product obsessions, sort of Oprah-style. Yes, it's vapid, but I really need to give my brain a rest.
Current Obsessions:
1. My new Dove Fresh Original Solid deoderant. I've been on a deoderant quest for the past few years, ever since I realized that Old Spice makes a man's deoderant that's perfect because it's both clear and in stick form, versus that normal clear goo that you ooze out in clicks. This means you get the invisiility of a gel without having to let the deoderant dry on your underarms dry for like two hours (any girl who's used gel deoderant knows what I'm talking about). I did find a girl's deoderant that's clear and in stick form, but it sucked. It did nothing form me and by the end of a hot day I would stink. I gave up on the clear gelstick and, last time I was at the store, decided to just grab something. The Dove that I bought on a whim isn't clear, but it is the softest, best-smelling deoderant ever; it smells like clean clothes and jasmine. I even wore it without any perfume one day and more than once I was complimented and told that I smelled really nice.
2. Amazing Grace products. This is an old obsession. I usually wear this fragrance in the summer bc it's really light, but the eighty degree weather prompted me to bring it back. I love all of the products - the perfume, the body wash, the lotion.
3. Epicurious.com. This isn't really a product but it's awesome. They have tons of recipes and one of the best websites I've ever used in terms of the way they have their searches and stuff set up. My only complaint is that the collection of Indian recipes is small and repetitive.
4. The Chi hair-straightening iron. Ever since Erin - whose opinion I take as gold - told me about how the Chi changed her life, I've been coveting it. And now I can say without any hesitation that it is worth every penny. It literally cuts the time it takes to straighten your hair in half, and afterwards your hair is all soft and smooth. Seriously, so far worth every penny. And FYI, they just started selling it at Bed Bath & Beyond, so you can use those 20% coupons they're always mailing out to save a bunch of money on it.
5. Scarves. Tons of 'em. The warms ones are on hold since, you know, it's eighty degrees out, but I'm confident that we'll soon make it down to a brisk 65 degrees and I can break them out again. And they're all on sale for like $5.
6. Fable: the Lost Chapters. Omg I can't get enough of this game. "Look, it's the chicken chaser!". This new version has all sorts of added content, some of which is hysterical (read: sex with an old prostitute) but most of which are expansions on the overall storyline. This is probably my favorite game for the Xbox so far (please don't kill me Bungie) so I did a little dance when the expanded version came out.
7. Francesca's. I'm always telling people about this store because I can't get enough of it. It's the best place I've found to get fun, interesting, boutique-style clothes without giving up the financial equivalent of your firstborn child. They always have great, unique clothes and good sales where stuff goes 50% off. Last week I got this awesome blue flowy skirt on sale for $12, and a geisha-sytle dress (similar to one I saw at Banana Republic for like $80) for only $22. Both items were on sale but I still think that's pretty good. They also have TONS of jewellry in all styles and lotsof random fun stuff like purses, photo albums, lip gloss, etc. Their website is new and has almost no stuff on it, but I think it does list their locations.
8. LipFusion. I have no idea if this product really works, but my mind thinks it does. I get all happy everytime I put it on, which is totally lame because probably it doesn't make any difference.
9. White Barn Candle Co.'s Spiced Cider Candles. Someone gave this to us as a gift and I burn it every night. I realized that it smells just like my mother-in-law's kitchen so it also makes me feel all nice and home-y.
10. White Barn's filled candles in Fresh Baked Cookie Scent. This needs no description. It's exactlt what you imagine, but even more wonderful. This line from White Barn has a bunch of yummy food-scents like Marble Cake, Fresh Apple Pie, and Hot Mocha. All of the White Barn products are available at Bath & Body Works.
11. Last but not least, Madonna's Latest. I don't usually like dance music because it's repetitive and pointless, full of obnoxious sound effects and girls with baby-voices. Dance music by Madonna, however, is different. I love love love this album.
Current Obsessions:
1. My new Dove Fresh Original Solid deoderant. I've been on a deoderant quest for the past few years, ever since I realized that Old Spice makes a man's deoderant that's perfect because it's both clear and in stick form, versus that normal clear goo that you ooze out in clicks. This means you get the invisiility of a gel without having to let the deoderant dry on your underarms dry for like two hours (any girl who's used gel deoderant knows what I'm talking about). I did find a girl's deoderant that's clear and in stick form, but it sucked. It did nothing form me and by the end of a hot day I would stink. I gave up on the clear gelstick and, last time I was at the store, decided to just grab something. The Dove that I bought on a whim isn't clear, but it is the softest, best-smelling deoderant ever; it smells like clean clothes and jasmine. I even wore it without any perfume one day and more than once I was complimented and told that I smelled really nice.
2. Amazing Grace products. This is an old obsession. I usually wear this fragrance in the summer bc it's really light, but the eighty degree weather prompted me to bring it back. I love all of the products - the perfume, the body wash, the lotion.
3. Epicurious.com. This isn't really a product but it's awesome. They have tons of recipes and one of the best websites I've ever used in terms of the way they have their searches and stuff set up. My only complaint is that the collection of Indian recipes is small and repetitive.
4. The Chi hair-straightening iron. Ever since Erin - whose opinion I take as gold - told me about how the Chi changed her life, I've been coveting it. And now I can say without any hesitation that it is worth every penny. It literally cuts the time it takes to straighten your hair in half, and afterwards your hair is all soft and smooth. Seriously, so far worth every penny. And FYI, they just started selling it at Bed Bath & Beyond, so you can use those 20% coupons they're always mailing out to save a bunch of money on it.
5. Scarves. Tons of 'em. The warms ones are on hold since, you know, it's eighty degrees out, but I'm confident that we'll soon make it down to a brisk 65 degrees and I can break them out again. And they're all on sale for like $5.
6. Fable: the Lost Chapters. Omg I can't get enough of this game. "Look, it's the chicken chaser!". This new version has all sorts of added content, some of which is hysterical (read: sex with an old prostitute) but most of which are expansions on the overall storyline. This is probably my favorite game for the Xbox so far (please don't kill me Bungie) so I did a little dance when the expanded version came out.
7. Francesca's. I'm always telling people about this store because I can't get enough of it. It's the best place I've found to get fun, interesting, boutique-style clothes without giving up the financial equivalent of your firstborn child. They always have great, unique clothes and good sales where stuff goes 50% off. Last week I got this awesome blue flowy skirt on sale for $12, and a geisha-sytle dress (similar to one I saw at Banana Republic for like $80) for only $22. Both items were on sale but I still think that's pretty good. They also have TONS of jewellry in all styles and lotsof random fun stuff like purses, photo albums, lip gloss, etc. Their website is new and has almost no stuff on it, but I think it does list their locations.
8. LipFusion. I have no idea if this product really works, but my mind thinks it does. I get all happy everytime I put it on, which is totally lame because probably it doesn't make any difference.
9. White Barn Candle Co.'s Spiced Cider Candles. Someone gave this to us as a gift and I burn it every night. I realized that it smells just like my mother-in-law's kitchen so it also makes me feel all nice and home-y.
10. White Barn's filled candles in Fresh Baked Cookie Scent. This needs no description. It's exactlt what you imagine, but even more wonderful. This line from White Barn has a bunch of yummy food-scents like Marble Cake, Fresh Apple Pie, and Hot Mocha. All of the White Barn products are available at Bath & Body Works.
11. Last but not least, Madonna's Latest. I don't usually like dance music because it's repetitive and pointless, full of obnoxious sound effects and girls with baby-voices. Dance music by Madonna, however, is different. I love love love this album.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Confessions, but not on a dance floor
Editor's Note: this post is about religion. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I've always been very hesitant when telling people that I don't drink alcohol because I'm a Baha'i. I guess that might surprise some people, because I've never really felt pressure to act differently and it doesn't bother me what anyone else - whether they are Baha'i or not - does with regard to the issue (barring situations of substance abuse). Even more important than any Baha'i belief about alcohol or drugs is the bedrock principle that no individual has any right to pass judgment on others. What other people are doing or not doing is totally irrelevant to your own spiritual development so just leave it alone:
"O Son of Being! How couldst thou forget thin own faults and busy thyself with the faults of others?" - Baha'i Writings.
Furthermore, life is all about perspective, and I think it's pretty presumptuous to even look at what someone else is doing as a "fault". The right attitude isn't "Mr.Q is doing X, which is a fault, but I won't worry about it bc it's not my place." Of course, this is very general and is based on my personal interpretation of the Baha'i writings.
Anyway, I've digressed. I'm often hesitant - when meeting someone new - to tell them that I don't drink bc I'm a Baha'i. And the reason is bc, when I do, I can often see the doors being slammed in my face. People have soooo many assumptions about people who don't drink. It's kind of an ironic situation: people assume that non-drinkers are judgmental assholes, so when they hear that I don't drink they pass judgment on me and shut me out. I don't have a problem with someone who disagrees with what I believe or with the way I live my life; I have a problem with people use one little thing as justification for refusing to get to know other people. Again, I'm totally generalizing here.
This has always sort of bothered me, because I hope that I'm not a judgmental asshole and that when a person gets to know me it wouldn't weird them out that I don't drink. A few days ago I was reading the transcript of a talk by a Baha'i scholar and he said something that caught my attention. He said that people who might not otherwise have a problem with the Baha'i Faith get very turned off by some of the Baha'i laws - for example, the not-drinking thing. He said that this was understandable, bc so many people who do follow religious laws act in a certain judgmental way, and when someone who's never met a Baha'i hears that we aren't supposed to drink he or she might think "well, this isn't any different. This religion is just like all the others." The point he made was what caught my eye: that the Baha'i laws are not like "all the others". Most religions have laws based on concepts like original sin, or sinfulness - we don't have this concept in the Baha'i Faith as a basic for our laws. The laws don't stem from some black and white notion of right or wrong, they're a guidebook on the way to live the most spiritually healthy life. Drinking is a good example: the reason we're not supposed to drink isn't because it invites satan into our hearts and is wicked and evil. It's bc we believe that human beings are unique in having higher rational and spiritual faculties, and that it's not healthy to engage in behavior that restricts your ability to utilize those faculties.
I'm very frustrated by people who make assumptions about me. But it's also weird to feel like you are biting your tongue to keep from speaking your truth bc you don't want to be judged. A few months ago I was speaking with a friend and had an interesting experience, which I will edit for clarity and anonymity. My friend, Ninja, said "I can't hang out with them bc they're so religious." I responded that I was religious and that didn't prevent us from being friends, and Ninja said, "Yeah, but they're like judgmental and born-again. Q even believes in praying every single day."
I don't remember what I said but it definitely wasn't "I believe in praying every single day." I felt so torn: I didn't want to make Ninja feel bad and I certainly didn't want Ninja's opinion of the Baha'i Faith to change, but at the same time, I very strongly believe in praying every day. And I think the only reason Ninja said that is bc in Ninja's mind, daily prayer was a proxy for a lot of other - more negative - religious practices.
I guess the test is to strike a balance between being obnoxious ("I'd like a soda because I don't every drink alcohol bc if my religion!!") and between being too hesitant. For me that's definitely a work in progress.
I've always been very hesitant when telling people that I don't drink alcohol because I'm a Baha'i. I guess that might surprise some people, because I've never really felt pressure to act differently and it doesn't bother me what anyone else - whether they are Baha'i or not - does with regard to the issue (barring situations of substance abuse). Even more important than any Baha'i belief about alcohol or drugs is the bedrock principle that no individual has any right to pass judgment on others. What other people are doing or not doing is totally irrelevant to your own spiritual development so just leave it alone:
"O Son of Being! How couldst thou forget thin own faults and busy thyself with the faults of others?" - Baha'i Writings.
Furthermore, life is all about perspective, and I think it's pretty presumptuous to even look at what someone else is doing as a "fault". The right attitude isn't "Mr.Q is doing X, which is a fault, but I won't worry about it bc it's not my place." Of course, this is very general and is based on my personal interpretation of the Baha'i writings.
Anyway, I've digressed. I'm often hesitant - when meeting someone new - to tell them that I don't drink bc I'm a Baha'i. And the reason is bc, when I do, I can often see the doors being slammed in my face. People have soooo many assumptions about people who don't drink. It's kind of an ironic situation: people assume that non-drinkers are judgmental assholes, so when they hear that I don't drink they pass judgment on me and shut me out. I don't have a problem with someone who disagrees with what I believe or with the way I live my life; I have a problem with people use one little thing as justification for refusing to get to know other people. Again, I'm totally generalizing here.
This has always sort of bothered me, because I hope that I'm not a judgmental asshole and that when a person gets to know me it wouldn't weird them out that I don't drink. A few days ago I was reading the transcript of a talk by a Baha'i scholar and he said something that caught my attention. He said that people who might not otherwise have a problem with the Baha'i Faith get very turned off by some of the Baha'i laws - for example, the not-drinking thing. He said that this was understandable, bc so many people who do follow religious laws act in a certain judgmental way, and when someone who's never met a Baha'i hears that we aren't supposed to drink he or she might think "well, this isn't any different. This religion is just like all the others." The point he made was what caught my eye: that the Baha'i laws are not like "all the others". Most religions have laws based on concepts like original sin, or sinfulness - we don't have this concept in the Baha'i Faith as a basic for our laws. The laws don't stem from some black and white notion of right or wrong, they're a guidebook on the way to live the most spiritually healthy life. Drinking is a good example: the reason we're not supposed to drink isn't because it invites satan into our hearts and is wicked and evil. It's bc we believe that human beings are unique in having higher rational and spiritual faculties, and that it's not healthy to engage in behavior that restricts your ability to utilize those faculties.
I'm very frustrated by people who make assumptions about me. But it's also weird to feel like you are biting your tongue to keep from speaking your truth bc you don't want to be judged. A few months ago I was speaking with a friend and had an interesting experience, which I will edit for clarity and anonymity. My friend, Ninja, said "I can't hang out with them bc they're so religious." I responded that I was religious and that didn't prevent us from being friends, and Ninja said, "Yeah, but they're like judgmental and born-again. Q even believes in praying every single day."
I don't remember what I said but it definitely wasn't "I believe in praying every single day." I felt so torn: I didn't want to make Ninja feel bad and I certainly didn't want Ninja's opinion of the Baha'i Faith to change, but at the same time, I very strongly believe in praying every day. And I think the only reason Ninja said that is bc in Ninja's mind, daily prayer was a proxy for a lot of other - more negative - religious practices.
I guess the test is to strike a balance between being obnoxious ("I'd like a soda because I don't every drink alcohol bc if my religion!!") and between being too hesitant. For me that's definitely a work in progress.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Stuart, you are right . . .
the pink did suck. I know that's not exactly what you said, but it really did suck. It's too cold outside for a hot pink background. We'll see how this navy works out.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Saturday, December 17, 2005
OMG RACCOON, aka "Please excuse me while I use some profanity"
Letter #1, Raychul storms around the house hating the raccoon and has a general bad attitude
Dear Mr. Raccoon-who-feels-compelled-to-dig-a-hole-in-the-wall-and-then-climb-out-into-the-bathroom-cabinet-below-the-sink,
Get the fuck out of my house.
Sincerely,
Rachel
Letter#2, Matt recalls with fondness his many adventures with his newest furry friend
Dear Kindly-raccoon-friend-who-only-created-trouble-out-of-friendliness,
You have indirectly done so much for our family, like when one of the policemen sent by Animal Control to confirm your existence asked how to pronounce the word "Baha'i" and then took a prayer book with him to look at. Thank you for solving the mouse problem by removing the the newspaper used to plug the hole around the sink's plumbing - this finally made it obvious to us that there was a gigantic fucking hole around the plumbing under our sink which was simply stuffed with a newspaper from 1983, and which is now boarded and nailed up. I lament for your ancestors who tried to make their way into our bathroom but were thwarted by the ingenious placement of newspaper, which we all know is so fucking strong and immovable, in the gigantic, cavernous gaping hole.
I apologize that you were frightened away by my wife, since you were obviously just trying to make first contact and only had good intentions. I wish I had been there when you pushed open the cabinet door with your cute little nose and stuck your head into the bathroom, thereby confirming that you were, indeed, sitting under our sink. Maybe you were just looking for some tylenol, unlike that junkie the mouse, who preferred chewing holes in bottles of Afrin and then ingesting it. Anyway, if I had been there instead of my wife, I would certainly not have slammed the bathroom door and run screaming away. I would have greeted your curious face with kindness, and said, "Oh, helloooo little friend! Won't you stay in our bathroom? Perhaps you'd like something to eat? We have a bunch of old garbage which I'm sure is quite delicious."
Anyway, please forgive my wife. She doesn't realize that this wouldn't have been near as entertaining a night without you.
In friendship,
Matt
Dear Mr. Raccoon-who-feels-compelled-to-dig-a-hole-in-the-wall-and-then-climb-out-into-the-bathroom-cabinet-below-the-sink,
Get the fuck out of my house.
Sincerely,
Rachel
Letter#2, Matt recalls with fondness his many adventures with his newest furry friend
Dear Kindly-raccoon-friend-who-only-created-trouble-out-of-friendliness,
You have indirectly done so much for our family, like when one of the policemen sent by Animal Control to confirm your existence asked how to pronounce the word "Baha'i" and then took a prayer book with him to look at. Thank you for solving the mouse problem by removing the the newspaper used to plug the hole around the sink's plumbing - this finally made it obvious to us that there was a gigantic fucking hole around the plumbing under our sink which was simply stuffed with a newspaper from 1983, and which is now boarded and nailed up. I lament for your ancestors who tried to make their way into our bathroom but were thwarted by the ingenious placement of newspaper, which we all know is so fucking strong and immovable, in the gigantic, cavernous gaping hole.
I apologize that you were frightened away by my wife, since you were obviously just trying to make first contact and only had good intentions. I wish I had been there when you pushed open the cabinet door with your cute little nose and stuck your head into the bathroom, thereby confirming that you were, indeed, sitting under our sink. Maybe you were just looking for some tylenol, unlike that junkie the mouse, who preferred chewing holes in bottles of Afrin and then ingesting it. Anyway, if I had been there instead of my wife, I would certainly not have slammed the bathroom door and run screaming away. I would have greeted your curious face with kindness, and said, "Oh, helloooo little friend! Won't you stay in our bathroom? Perhaps you'd like something to eat? We have a bunch of old garbage which I'm sure is quite delicious."
Anyway, please forgive my wife. She doesn't realize that this wouldn't have been near as entertaining a night without you.
In friendship,
Matt
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Things that are awesome
Awesome: running downstairs so that you can rush off to your first exam, and realizing as you put your things in the car that your left hand is NOT holding your Environmental Law textbook, but instead is holding your copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Awesomer: noticing this before you leave the house so that you can run back upstairs and grab the correct book.
But this would have been the Awesomest: NOT realizing your mistake until you'd arrived at school and sat down to take your exam. Using your mistake to shake the confidence of your fellow testtakers by finishing early and then making it very obvious that you're just reading Harry Potter.
Awesomer: noticing this before you leave the house so that you can run back upstairs and grab the correct book.
But this would have been the Awesomest: NOT realizing your mistake until you'd arrived at school and sat down to take your exam. Using your mistake to shake the confidence of your fellow testtakers by finishing early and then making it very obvious that you're just reading Harry Potter.
All studying and no Dr. Pepper make Raychul something something . . .
One of my hobbies is reading things on Craigslist. This is because Craigslist - like life - is full of crazies. I took a break from studying to peruse the "Pets" section of Austin Craiglist, because, you know, puppies and kittens are cute, and when I read the following I actually laughed out loud:
"Llamas for Adoption - 14 llamas, males $200 adoption fee,females $350 adoption fee. All sizes available"
Wow! Who wouldn't want to adopt a pet llama! Or two! Or fourteen!! And look - ALL SIZES! Silly me, I thought llamas just came in llama-sized, I didn't realize that I could order a giant sloth sized llama! Where do I sign up?? I would love to blow a couple thousand dollars on some llamas - I could keep them on my balcony, and my apartment complex would leave passive-aggressive warning notes on my door like they always do, only these would say something like:
"Dear Resident,
Please note that you are in violation of your lease. Section 2.0042 states that the balcony and breezeway areas must be kep clear of 'furniture, trash receptacles, and random farm animals'. Failure to remedy this violation within 24 hours will result in penalties under Section 2.0043.
Sincerely,
the Management"
Oh, and did I mention that I Love Alpacas?
"Llamas for Adoption - 14 llamas, males $200 adoption fee,females $350 adoption fee. All sizes available"
Wow! Who wouldn't want to adopt a pet llama! Or two! Or fourteen!! And look - ALL SIZES! Silly me, I thought llamas just came in llama-sized, I didn't realize that I could order a giant sloth sized llama! Where do I sign up?? I would love to blow a couple thousand dollars on some llamas - I could keep them on my balcony, and my apartment complex would leave passive-aggressive warning notes on my door like they always do, only these would say something like:
"Dear Resident,
Please note that you are in violation of your lease. Section 2.0042 states that the balcony and breezeway areas must be kep clear of 'furniture, trash receptacles, and random farm animals'. Failure to remedy this violation within 24 hours will result in penalties under Section 2.0043.
Sincerely,
the Management"
Oh, and did I mention that I Love Alpacas?
Monday, December 12, 2005
Harry Potter casting
So far the casting for the Harry Potter movies has been okay, but there are a few choices that I have to take issue with. First, replacement Dumbledore is terrible. Second, I think Alan Rickman makes Snape a little too funny, which isn't consistent with the books and might make it hard to transition into the events of Book 6. So I've been thinking about who might work for some characters that we haven't met in the movies, and I thought I might share.
First, I think Helena Bonham Carter would be fantastic as Bellatrix. She has those fantastic "heavily-lidded" eyes, and she's really good at playing characters that are slightly unhinged.
To stick with that family, I think Sienna Guillory would work well as Narcissa. It might be a more obscure choice, but I've seen her in a couple things as kind of a side character and she always kept my attention, and she has kind of a snobby quality that I like for this part.
Next, I think someone need to call Jeremy Irons right now and get him to play Rufus Scrimgeur (did I spell that right?) I may be biased since Jeremy Irons played Scar in the Lion King and Rufus is so often described as loking like a lion.
Last, I think Bill Nighy would be great as Mundungus. Bill Nighy played the guy who helped build planets in Hitchiker's Guide, if anyone call recall that part of the movie. He also played the aging rock star in Love Actually.
So, how does everyone feel about these picks?
First, I think Helena Bonham Carter would be fantastic as Bellatrix. She has those fantastic "heavily-lidded" eyes, and she's really good at playing characters that are slightly unhinged.
To stick with that family, I think Sienna Guillory would work well as Narcissa. It might be a more obscure choice, but I've seen her in a couple things as kind of a side character and she always kept my attention, and she has kind of a snobby quality that I like for this part.
Next, I think someone need to call Jeremy Irons right now and get him to play Rufus Scrimgeur (did I spell that right?) I may be biased since Jeremy Irons played Scar in the Lion King and Rufus is so often described as loking like a lion.
Last, I think Bill Nighy would be great as Mundungus. Bill Nighy played the guy who helped build planets in Hitchiker's Guide, if anyone call recall that part of the movie. He also played the aging rock star in Love Actually.
So, how does everyone feel about these picks?
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Another post that references Jessica & Nick
I am the worst blogger ever . . . but it isn't my fault! I swear! The blame for my negligence rests solely with UT Law and their insistence on making the poor law students take massive finals that turn your brain into mush. Actually, it only turns half your brain into mush, the part involving normal human contact. It turns the other half into well-oiled machinery of legal facts, so that you end up saying things in everyday conversation like "let's look at this from the perspective of institutional settlement" and "California is a community property state, so you know Nick's going to try and take half of Jessica's money."
I also feel like after awhile I won't be able to respond to people with anything but what I'm studying, so that soon Matt and I will sound like this:
M: Do you think we need to go to the grocery store?
R: For estate tax purposes, never let someone die with a remainder interest.
M: Umm . . . okay. Good to know. What about the grocery store?
R: Erie stands for the basic idea that federal courts have to apply state law to state issues!!
M: That's nice, dear.
R: Yes! Isn't it?
M: Maybe I should go to the grocery store and you can stay here and study.
R: Animals get designated as endangered through the listing process! The LISTING PROCESS!!
M: *Sigh* It's going to be a long month, isnt it?
And I know this has been said a million times this week, but OH MY GOODNESS WHY WAS IT SO COLD.
I also feel like after awhile I won't be able to respond to people with anything but what I'm studying, so that soon Matt and I will sound like this:
M: Do you think we need to go to the grocery store?
R: For estate tax purposes, never let someone die with a remainder interest.
M: Umm . . . okay. Good to know. What about the grocery store?
R: Erie stands for the basic idea that federal courts have to apply state law to state issues!!
M: That's nice, dear.
R: Yes! Isn't it?
M: Maybe I should go to the grocery store and you can stay here and study.
R: Animals get designated as endangered through the listing process! The LISTING PROCESS!!
M: *Sigh* It's going to be a long month, isnt it?
And I know this has been said a million times this week, but OH MY GOODNESS WHY WAS IT SO COLD.
Friday, November 25, 2005
I don't eat buffalo
Aww . . . I guess this isn't a surprise, but still . . . who knew that two mediocre music careers and a perfect pair of boobs weren't enough to keep a marriage together.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
This really can't be healthy
R: Are you playing against people online?
M: Yep. These guys must do nothing but play Halo though, because they're totally kicking my ass.
R: The problem is with your name. Look, these guys all have intimidating handles like "bunnykiller" and "007haloguy". You're just using your real name. That's not intimidating at all.
M: You're right. I need a better handle.
R: Ooh! How about "Justice_Scalia"!
M: *silence*
R: Come on, he's a pretty scary guy.
M: You've completely lost your mind, haven't you?
M: Yep. These guys must do nothing but play Halo though, because they're totally kicking my ass.
R: The problem is with your name. Look, these guys all have intimidating handles like "bunnykiller" and "007haloguy". You're just using your real name. That's not intimidating at all.
M: You're right. I need a better handle.
R: Ooh! How about "Justice_Scalia"!
M: *silence*
R: Come on, he's a pretty scary guy.
M: You've completely lost your mind, haven't you?
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Clearing up some confusion
A few points I need to make:
1. Yes, I am married.
2. That guy you see me study with? The one who looks EXACTLY like me? Well, he's actually my brother. Not my husband.
3. No, my brother is not my boyfriend, we are just studying together. Yes, you're right, most siblings don't hang out, I can see how that would be confusing . . . . if we lived in Arkansas.
4. Um, no, I didn't change my last name. So if you'd like to email my husband and I, and you look up email addresses for "Matt G" and "Rachel G" you have actually just looked up the email addresses for me and my brother. If you then email those addresses you've sent an email to me and my brother, causing him to then send me an email that says "who the hell is this person?"
5. Yes, it is strange that both my husband and brother are named Matt. But it is very convenient to yell at them, because I can go "MATTS!"
6. No, I don't get them confused. Do you get Paul McCartney and Paul Lindh confused just because they have the same first name?
1. Yes, I am married.
2. That guy you see me study with? The one who looks EXACTLY like me? Well, he's actually my brother. Not my husband.
3. No, my brother is not my boyfriend, we are just studying together. Yes, you're right, most siblings don't hang out, I can see how that would be confusing . . . . if we lived in Arkansas.
4. Um, no, I didn't change my last name. So if you'd like to email my husband and I, and you look up email addresses for "Matt G" and "Rachel G" you have actually just looked up the email addresses for me and my brother. If you then email those addresses you've sent an email to me and my brother, causing him to then send me an email that says "who the hell is this person?"
5. Yes, it is strange that both my husband and brother are named Matt. But it is very convenient to yell at them, because I can go "MATTS!"
6. No, I don't get them confused. Do you get Paul McCartney and Paul Lindh confused just because they have the same first name?
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Nerds r' Us
Exactly twenty-four hours ago, I put the finishing touches on my seminar paper and emailed it to my Professor. I seriously considered going to bed for a few hours and then getting up at about eight am to email it then, so that it would seem like I had finished up early and was sending it right before a full day of work and school and making the world a better place. But who am I kidding? Professors know that we stay up all night finishing papers. So, as I said, I emailed my paper to him at four in the morning. And then I spent another hour cleaning up the books, the papers, and the general mess that the living room had become. And then I went to sleep. Ahhhh.
Tonight I'm up at four in the morning because Matt and I are playing video games. This is because we are nerds, and this is what nerds do. Soroush told me that once when Matt and I were late getting to a party at his house, someone started making sort of strange comments about how we were probably just at home getting it on instead of hanging out with our friends. "Hmm", I replied, "If by 'getting it on' you mean 'playing Halo', then yes, we are."
Tonight I'm up at four in the morning because Matt and I are playing video games. This is because we are nerds, and this is what nerds do. Soroush told me that once when Matt and I were late getting to a party at his house, someone started making sort of strange comments about how we were probably just at home getting it on instead of hanging out with our friends. "Hmm", I replied, "If by 'getting it on' you mean 'playing Halo', then yes, we are."
Thursday, November 10, 2005
"Myyy Giiiirlfrieeeends"
The worst part of writing a two million page paper is the night before it's due. I'm not a procrastinator about this type of thing, so the night before is when I'm making miniscule, mind-numbingly boring changes that no one is going to notice. It's when I do things like get my footnotes together, and use the "Find" function to make sure that I haven't accidentally used the word "pubic" when I meant to type "public". For a paper on "pubic forms of religious expression" is definately not going to get me a good grade.
The night before is also when I find ANYTHING YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE to distract me from finishing up. It's like my mind goes "you did the hard part, now let's stay up all night procrastinating on the easy part! Paaaaaaarty!!".
I thought I might share some of the things a person can do to put off finishing a paper. Feel free to borrow these ideas if you have an important assignment of your own. Note that all of the following items have been, or will be, perpetrated by myself this very night.
1. Blog. Case in Point.
2. Watch reruns of "Girlfriends" on the WB.
3. Google people. Preferably ex-boyfriends and mean girls.
4. Download Harry Potter trailers.
5. Eat all of the fruit in the fridge.
6. Try to wake your husband up in the middle of the night to see if he'll help distract you. (You can interpret that in whatever way you like.)
7. When that doesn't work, talk to the cat.
8. Paint toenails.
9. Look at real estate in Las Vegas.
10. Send grumbly emails to people about why Nick had that stupid mustache on tonight's CSI.
The night before is also when I find ANYTHING YOU CAN POSSIBLY IMAGINE to distract me from finishing up. It's like my mind goes "you did the hard part, now let's stay up all night procrastinating on the easy part! Paaaaaaarty!!".
I thought I might share some of the things a person can do to put off finishing a paper. Feel free to borrow these ideas if you have an important assignment of your own. Note that all of the following items have been, or will be, perpetrated by myself this very night.
1. Blog. Case in Point.
2. Watch reruns of "Girlfriends" on the WB.
3. Google people. Preferably ex-boyfriends and mean girls.
4. Download Harry Potter trailers.
5. Eat all of the fruit in the fridge.
6. Try to wake your husband up in the middle of the night to see if he'll help distract you. (You can interpret that in whatever way you like.)
7. When that doesn't work, talk to the cat.
8. Paint toenails.
9. Look at real estate in Las Vegas.
10. Send grumbly emails to people about why Nick had that stupid mustache on tonight's CSI.
Monday, November 07, 2005
If I was a Supreme Court Justice . . . .
"The Petitioners assert that the suit may be maintained due the particulars of the question presented. Namely, they rely on our previous indications that suits which seek to enforce contractual obligations against a state must be examined on different grounds than similarly situated tort claims. Respondents, on the other hand, rely on the extensive precedent requiring a clear statement from Congress of their intent to create such a remedy. The clear statement rule, which has been employed by this court in many areas of federal question, has been the source of much confusion. In many cases construing federal statutes, including the case at bar, the courts face the difficult question of attempting to glean from often unwieldy statutes and evidence whether Congress has met the amorphous clear statement threshold.
Because we beleive our previous clear statement tests have proved unworkable due to their vagueness, we now adopt what can best be termed the 'Super Badass In-Your-Face Clear Statement Rule': if Congress wishes to create a judicially enforceable remedy, they must clearly state their intent to do so by:
1. Including obvious language in the statute
2. Dressing the House majority leader up as a Turtle, writing on the back of his shell 'Clear Statement Turtle', and then parading him around the Lincoln Memorial on a leash while he holds the statute in his mouth
3. Notarizing the asses of every member of the Senate who actively participated in the development of said statute
We feel that this new test, while rigorous, will ensure that the intent of Congress is fairly determined and can then be adjudicated."
Because we beleive our previous clear statement tests have proved unworkable due to their vagueness, we now adopt what can best be termed the 'Super Badass In-Your-Face Clear Statement Rule': if Congress wishes to create a judicially enforceable remedy, they must clearly state their intent to do so by:
1. Including obvious language in the statute
2. Dressing the House majority leader up as a Turtle, writing on the back of his shell 'Clear Statement Turtle', and then parading him around the Lincoln Memorial on a leash while he holds the statute in his mouth
3. Notarizing the asses of every member of the Senate who actively participated in the development of said statute
We feel that this new test, while rigorous, will ensure that the intent of Congress is fairly determined and can then be adjudicated."
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Ah do declare! I am offended, sir!
I don’t consider myself easily offended. I like dirty jokes, you know? I’ll swear on occasion. I’ll watch an R-rated movie. But in the past few days I’ve been extremely offended on two separate instances. Neither of the offensive happenings were aimed directly at me, which leads me to wonder if I’m becoming over-sensitive. I also believe that not being so easily offended is just as important as trying not to offend people, but that belief has to coexist with justice: I’m all for not getting personally put off, but if someone says something totally wrong then I think it’s a person’s responsibility to say, on behalf of the world of civilized human beings, that they found that comment very inappropriate. If someone tells a terrible, racist joke I don’t think you should just ignore it, but I don’t think you should get in their face about it either. How about a simple “I know you weren’t serious, but I found that joke to be a little inappropriate.”? Obviously I’m not saying people have to act all P.C. around close friends, but I do think that in some situations, say, an office, where you don’t know everyone well, if someone crosses the line then they ought to be willing to listen to your opinion too. If not then they’re a douchebag.
Case in Point: Today, at my friend’s office, someone dressed up as a New Orleans looter for Halloween. Maybe this would be funny to some people if done a certain way, but even so how is that in any way an appropriate costume to wear to a large work setting? Furthermore, the specifics of this costume were such that I really can’t think of ANY PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE where anyone should be wearing them. I kid you not: the guy’s “costume” (if you can call an idiotic amalgamation of racism a costume) was that he pushed around a cart full of electronics, had painted on “blackface”, and wore a dreadlock wig. I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS. My friend said the guy is Hispanic, which makes me wonder if he’s one of those people who thinks that being a minority gives you the right to act like a racist asshole to other minorities. Guess what – you don’t have to be white to be prejudiced. It’s not okay for anyone to be racist. There is no civilized, educated person in the world who would think it’s appropriate to wear blackface as part of a costume, let alone as part of a racist costume, let alone as part of a racist costume that you wore in a public place. I hope that guy wears his costume on Sixth Street and gets the you-know-what beaten out of him by some people from New Orleans.
Some things are funny and un-offensive around your friends but offensive to others. Some things, though, are offensive no matter who finds them funny.
Case in Point #2 is less politically charged, but still got me upset. I’ll decline to go into specifics, but basically I think it’s offensive and presumptuous to send people an email insinuating that they’re neglecting important responsibilities for selfish desires, that they’re wasting precious time on material pursuits, just because they aren’t able to help you with a particular activity. They’re probably doing things that are just as important as what you’re doing, and assuming that they’re just piddling around and sending out guilty-trippy emails, as if they’ll read them and think “Gosh, maybe I should try to do something worthwhile instead of spending all my time doing crack” is unfair and hurtful, especially considering the fact that they would probably love to help you if they had the time.
*Deep breath. Okay, I think I’ve gotten everything off my chest. Aside from my newly discovered sensibilities everything is good. I’m working on a mammoth but very interesting paper that’s due in less than two weeks. Assault and Flattery auditions are ongoing.
Case in Point: Today, at my friend’s office, someone dressed up as a New Orleans looter for Halloween. Maybe this would be funny to some people if done a certain way, but even so how is that in any way an appropriate costume to wear to a large work setting? Furthermore, the specifics of this costume were such that I really can’t think of ANY PLACE IN THE UNIVERSE where anyone should be wearing them. I kid you not: the guy’s “costume” (if you can call an idiotic amalgamation of racism a costume) was that he pushed around a cart full of electronics, had painted on “blackface”, and wore a dreadlock wig. I AM TOTALLY SERIOUS. My friend said the guy is Hispanic, which makes me wonder if he’s one of those people who thinks that being a minority gives you the right to act like a racist asshole to other minorities. Guess what – you don’t have to be white to be prejudiced. It’s not okay for anyone to be racist. There is no civilized, educated person in the world who would think it’s appropriate to wear blackface as part of a costume, let alone as part of a racist costume, let alone as part of a racist costume that you wore in a public place. I hope that guy wears his costume on Sixth Street and gets the you-know-what beaten out of him by some people from New Orleans.
Some things are funny and un-offensive around your friends but offensive to others. Some things, though, are offensive no matter who finds them funny.
Case in Point #2 is less politically charged, but still got me upset. I’ll decline to go into specifics, but basically I think it’s offensive and presumptuous to send people an email insinuating that they’re neglecting important responsibilities for selfish desires, that they’re wasting precious time on material pursuits, just because they aren’t able to help you with a particular activity. They’re probably doing things that are just as important as what you’re doing, and assuming that they’re just piddling around and sending out guilty-trippy emails, as if they’ll read them and think “Gosh, maybe I should try to do something worthwhile instead of spending all my time doing crack” is unfair and hurtful, especially considering the fact that they would probably love to help you if they had the time.
*Deep breath. Okay, I think I’ve gotten everything off my chest. Aside from my newly discovered sensibilities everything is good. I’m working on a mammoth but very interesting paper that’s due in less than two weeks. Assault and Flattery auditions are ongoing.
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