So I love Lord of the Rings (LotR), both the books and the movies. But as I'm watching Return of the King for the eight millionth time, I'm realizing how much simpler some parts would have been if the characters were a little better at communicating. Somehow responding to an idea with nothing but a dramatic look doesn't really convey much information. Let me give you an example of a conversation that could have made certain episodes a lot easier:
Frodo: So, yeah, that's pretty much the deal. This ring is making me so crazy that all I can do at crucial moments is fall down, my overly affectionate gardener is pretty much keeping the shit together, and this creepy guy is our guide.
Faramir: Duuuude, that's crazy! I mean, seriously! You guys are actually going to Mordor?
Frodo: Well, we've already come all this way, so, you know . . . why not?
Faramir: How the hell are you guys getting there?
Frodo: I'm not sure on the details, but the creepy dude knows this way to get in. It's like, through the mountains up these stairs and shit.
Faramir: *Dramatic Look*
Frodo: What? What?
Faramir: I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do, but I think I should warn you that there is a huge fucking spider that lives up there and you need to stay the heck out of the caves.
See how that went? See how much easier the whole thing could have been if Frodo had known not to go in the caves? He would have realized that Gollum was screwing him over before the whole giant spider incident. Here's another time that a little give and take could have helped everybody out:
Aragorn: I'm gonna go wander around this weird rock formation and look for some hair gel. Are you guys okay here?
Hobbits: Sure!
Aragorn: Okay, I trust you, but you really need to be careful. *Dramatic Look*
Hobbits: We will be!
Aragorn: I know you guys think that I'm just trying to scare you, but I'm serious. Those freaky hooded guys are really fast and if you do anything that could attract attention then will totally show up and wail on your asses.
Was that so hard?? Is it that difficult to give people proper warning? I think the problem is that all the characters are men. (I'm sort of kidding) But that might not be a bad thing - imagine if Aragorn was a girl:
Aragornia: I'm going to go wander around this rock formation and look for some hair gel. Are you guys okay here?
Hobbits: Sure! Can we see you naked?
Aragornia: In your dreams. Anyway, you guys really need to be careful. *Dramatic Look*
Hobbits: We will be! Can we see you naked??
Aragornia: I know you guys think that I'm just trying to scare you, but I'm serious. Those freaky hooded guys are really fast and if you do anything that could attract attention then will totally show up and wail on your asses. Are you guys even listening? You never listen to me. I saved your sorry butts in the forest and I brought you all the way here, I had to listen to your whining for days, and you can't even lift your pinkie finger to try and make things a little easier for me. I mean, did you even take out the trash? It's just never enough for you guys, is it . . . *Rant continues*
And, Nikki, what do you think of the name "Aragornia"? Shall I suggest it to Jub & Brian?
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9 comments:
I'm glad you hit the nail on the head when it comes to LoTR, which is the issue of HAIR GEL. All those men, wandering through middle earth with their long tressed locks, and not ONE of them is carrying a moisturizing shampoo? Yeah, right.
There's this one scene in *mumble mumble* (I can't remember which) where Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas pull up to some group of tribesmen and they've all been riding hard all night and Aragorn and Gimli are covered in mud and Legolas, his hair is actually SHINING IN THE SUN. Kate and I call that the "What? PANTENE." moment.
I totally think you should. It would go super-great with their, um, poetic, last name.
say "sea-poo" 10 times, fast, loud, & with a third party bi-curious-stander...
the indefatigable,
-dean stpierre
You know, Tolkein actually planned it to be one novel, and then C.S. Lewis told him that it was waaay to long and needed to be split up into 2 or 3 books.
i love you rach.
and krissa, it could be pantene... or it could be that he has magic elf hair. or maybe elves invented pantene...
and dean, that chronic-what-cles of narnia sketch was a comic masterpice. :) if anyone, wants to see it: http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0
are you saying the Guq.s' have a third on the way now?
dean stpierre said...
and by the way, just so all Rachels leaders know this too, i do enjoy the occasional tossed salad... but, on a lighter note, why would i spell jealous with a "q"? well, i've got a confession to make... i am jeqalous of the big GQ and my plan is to fatten up Preston enough so that when he meets GQ's new baby he can just eat her, which will then make it like we each have two kids, since 3 minus 1 is two and 1 plus 1 in the belly (fat bastard style) is two too... i did that w/o my cell phone, yo'... ;) "get in mah belly"...
-dirty & jeqalous,
dean
ps-i'm also jeqalous of the way his name ends with a "u" before the "i", instead of "p" like mine... i've always been insecure about my "p"-ness, "u" know that...
you know i miss you buddy... even if i invoke stephen's surname as an expletive...
big love,
dean
That was one of the most enjoyable posts I've read in a long time, on any blog. Cheers, Rache.
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