Open Letter to Sorority Girls in Mittens

To Whom it May Concern,

Good morning. Are we all having a good day? Good, because there's something we need to talk about. I realize we've discussed this before, but apparently I didn't do a very good job of getting my point across.

I saw you this morning on my way to a final. At first I thought there was only one of you, but then over and over again I saw tiny blondes wearing mittens or gloves. Sometimes you even travelled in packs, like some strange, colorful-pawed specie. I'm not dissing your mittens. They're very nice - J. Crew, I think? I would even wear them myself on the right day. But . . . let me be very clear about this . . . it isn't cold today. Not even a little. What is it outside, 70 degrees? Lowest, 65? Since when does this qualify as mitten weather??

I know that weather in Texas can be pretty confusing, can't it? One day it's freezing, the next day it's warm and sunny, the next day it's pouring rain. And I can see how one might expect the weather in December to be at least somewhat chilly. How is a girl to know right from wrong, up from down?

The answer, of course, is simple: WATCH THE WEATHER NEWS ON TV. LOOK IT UP ON YAHOO. What, is the electricity down at the phi kappa gamma slutta house, rendering you unable to figure out if you should go to your final in a bikini or a snowsuit? Do you suffer from a crippling fear of leaving the house without mascara, so that you are too scared to even stick your head outside to set the temperature? OR, perhaps you did one of these things, assessed the weather, put on a reasonable outfit, but then had to account for the bad case of "freezing extremititis" that's currently afflicting you and your co-greeks?

Truly, Sorority Girl in Mittens, I'm at a loss. I myself am in a long-sleeves shirt and jeans, and feel quit comfortable. I just can't handle seeing too many more of you. Even if all of you have some medical reason for this atrocity, there has to be a better way. There just has to be. Because right now, you look like asstards. And you're making me question my sanity.

Yours,

R