I guess I should have been more specific

Okay, by "somebody", I didn't mean somebody on the White Sox. Damnit to hell.

The 14th?? Are you KIDDING me?

Please . . . . for the love of God . . . somebody do something . . . . just hit the freaking ball.

So we're BOTH smurfy

Last month Matt and I had an argument about why Gargamel was always after the Smurfs. I distinctly remember episodes when he wanted to turn them into gold, while Matt swore that Gargamel actually wanted to eat the Smurfs. As it turns out, we are both correct:

From Wikipedia: Gargamel is the evil old wizard (though with very limited powers) whose main goal is to destroy the Smurfs . . . Sometimes he wants to eat them, while other times he wants to use them to make gold (according to an old magic spell), and other times still he has even more bizarre uses for them.

Congrats to PBS . . .

. . . for airing the stupidest comment ever made in response to Hurricane Katrina:

"One of the things we forgot is that Katrina is a terrorist." - Jefferson Parish Emergency Management Director

A Tragic Tale from Fed Courts

Going to class is super-useless when you forget your book and spend the whole time desperately trying to figure out what the heck your professor is talking about. It's even more useless when you give up trying to listen altogether and start shopping online.

Raychul likes to Overshare

As many of you know, I totally heart Oprah Winfrey. You can laugh at me and make sarcastic jokes if you want to, but she's an amazing person who not only overcame a lot of adversity to become hugely successful, she's also dedicated her life to making other people's lives better. All of you Oprah-haters can mosey along elsewhere.

Last Tuesday the Oprah show was about child predators/sex offenders, and she featured pictures about ten of the FBI's most wanted child predators. Within six days - six freaking days - tips from her viewers had led the FBI to catch two of the wanted guys, one of whom was in BELIZE. Did you know they got the Oprah show in Belize? Me neither!

Today they did a follow-up where they had on two of the women that tipped off the FBI. The upshot of all this is that I didn't even make it through the whole episode: by the time the tipsters got to meet the mother and grandmother of two of the boys that had been abused by the fugitive they helped capture, and all four women were hugging and crying, and Oprah started crying, and her whole audience of well-dressed women was crying, I was pretty much a bawling mess of basket-casey goodness, propped up by midol and lack of sleep, and I had to turn the show off and do something less emotionally exhausting. Like eat an entire bag of mini kitkats that were supposed to go in the Halloween candy pumpkin.

Why do I act like this? Am I genetically programmed this way because of my gender, or do I indulge my craziness because I think I can get away with it? WHY, OH WHY, DO I EAT BAGS OF CHOCOLATE THREE DAYS OUT OF THE MONTH, when the rest of the time I can barely eat a whole cookie?? Times like this I really miss Nas, because she would surely be able to answer me by saying something like "well, researchers at cambridge did a study on female hormones during menstruation and found that the ratio of sensitivity between your various taste zones actually changes when you're on your period, causing you to be more prone to want sweets." That's what I'm looking for: validation of my crazy ways.

Texans are crazy

Dear Sorority-Girl-in-the-Navy-Sweater,

I understand that you're a little chilly. I get that the blistering, lip-chapping 65 degree breeze is making life difficult for you. But I have to say - really, I have to to say - that there is really no reason for you to be wearing mittens. First of all, you're not six years old. Buy yourself some big people gloves. Second, there is simply no freakin reason for you to be so cold that you need mittens. I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume that you're wearing wool mittens because of some painful hand disfigurement. But, knowing Texans as I do, I find this highly unlikely. I think what probably happened was that you got out of bed and thought "Holy crap! It's like, totally cold outside! I'm SO going to freeze if I don't wear my mittens! Eeeeh!"

Glad I got that off my chest.

Raychul

For Everything Else, there's Mastercard

Federal Courts Casebook: $109

Folder for syllabus and handouts: $2

Being in a class where your professor introduces an area of Supreme Court caselaw by saying "This area is best summed up by one of my favorite quotes from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer . . .'": Priceless.

Growing Up Giani is a religious experience

Raychul: So then Joseph became a slave?
Mom: Yes, but then he ended up becoming the most trusted advisor or something like that. And then he was is prison for awhile because the pharoah or lord or whatever's wife claimed he tried to, you know, lie with her.
Raychul: Lie with her. Nice use of biblical terminology.
Mom: Thanks.
Raychul: I feel like I've seen this story via musical theatre, but I can't remember in what. Would I have seen that in Godspell or in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat?