Let me begin by saying the following: I never get hit on. And even before I was married and wore a wedding ring, I very rarely got hit on. I do, however, meet a lot of random people when I'm out studying. Most of them are nice, interesting people and we end up having conversations about things like law school or religion. They'll say things to me like "You remind me of my daughter" and "Excuse me, I know this sounds stupid, but what exactly is a tort?"
Unfortunately, this arrangement has been upset. A few weeks ago I visited my eye doctor, who also happens to be my friend Soroush. He is the BEST eye doctor ever. Being that he's a fantastic eye doctor, he recommended that I get a weak pair of reading glasses so that I wasn't putting so much strain on my eyes. Glasses are covered by my insurance, so while part of me thought "What a good suggestion, I certainly don't want to strain my eyes" another part of me thought "Ooh! Free accessories!" Feel free to make fun of me.
I went to place where Matt got his glasses and picked out a really cute pair of kind of smart-looking, but kind of trendy glasses. They arrived just as I started studying for finals, which was awesome because wearing them made me feel smart.
What I didn't know was that, apparently, glasses are code for "I'm a big hoe and you should try to hit on me even though I'm wearing a wedding ring." I am not exaggerating when I say that every single time I have been studying by myself since getting the glasses, I've gotten hit on. It's been so long since anyone has hit on me that I've completely forgotten the art of snappy comebacks. Truth be told, hitting on someone's who's married probably elevates you from deserving a snappy comeback to deserving a kick in the nuts. But that would be a tort.
And let me just remind all of the single men out there that weather-related comments are sucky, sucky pick-up lines. When I was single and a guy would approach me with something like "Wow, it's pretty humid today" I's have to bite my tongue to keep from sarcastically saying something like "My, aren't you creative! You must be an artist!" Let me also say that, even if you seem like a nice guy, jokingly saying "If you ever get divorced I'd love to take you out" is in Bad Form. Bad. Bad. Form.
It's been about a week of this nonsense and today, for the first time, I rediscovered my Withering Stare. Ah, if only you'd seen me back in undergrad! I could freeze a potential suitor from fifty yards away with nothing but a glance . . . those were the days.
As it states above, I blame Soroush for this. Damn him and his professional demeanor. And damn the stupid glasses for being so cute. I should have just bought the adorable Burberry boots. Men never notice shoes.
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3 comments:
I think I speak for Erin as well when I say with SOME CERTAINTY that you got hit on when we were younger.
Even if, bless your heart, you didn't notice it.
Glasses! They're the new DD rack! For the studious set, I mean.
I'm sure you got hit on before. It just that you now notice because the people hitting on you are less smooth. The nerds, wanna be nerds, or looking for a sugar mama that hit on girls because they wear glasses are genreally less smooth than the genreal population. The other ones you still hit on you...you just don't notice them still becuase they are smooth. Good luck fending them off!
Artemis
ummmm, yeah. unless things have changed dramatically since you and i lived together in undergrad, you must still get hit on. you used to get hit on all the time. and it wasn't just normal hitting-on. it was waiters giving us free stuff everywhere we went b/c they liked you. (not that i ever complained about that)
now... i will confirm the glasses thing. remember when i got glasses halfway through my freshman year, and i told you that i felt like more guys were talking to me for no apparent reason? i'm not sure what it is exactly, but yeah, i think cute glasses increase the incidences of getting hit on. oh boys... anything can be a turn on, i guess.
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