Not a Native Speaker

There was a time in my life when I felt like I spoke a foreign language; like I didn't have the ability to say what I needed to. I wondered if I would ever know the words to express certain things, to take that all-important step in dealing with personal struggles that is sharing them with another person. Maybe that's why I always had so much trouble being part of reality: so much of what was real to me was going on inside my head.

I think I've come a long way. I took baby steps; first I learned to say simple things like "this hurts me" and "i need help with this". And eventually a good friend showed me that I, just like everyone else, was capable of crying in front of another person. Slowly I lost my accent, I built up my vocabulary, until I could make it through almost every day without anyone realizing how much of a struggle it was for me.

But there are still times when it all gets to be too much, when too many things are happening around me and in my head, and I simply can't manage to translate what's inside of me. I can write a paper or a legal memo that will put a thesaurus to shame, but when it really matters I don't have any words at all. I become incapable of saying anything

Saying something to another person makes it real.