i carry your heart

It feels strange being almost done with law school. As fellow law students and former law students know, your first two years or so are pretty good at narrowing your vision. It's hard to see past the next semester's final exams, or the upcoming set of interviews, let alone think about being done altogether. And then, all of a sudden, it's the beginning of April and you have less than six weeks left of the bizarre experience that is law school.

I have two good friends planning to start law school in the Fall, and it's funny to see them at the beginning of the process. They're both very excited. I remember that. During your first month of law school, the excitement is gradually replaced with terror. And sleepiness. And lots and lots of coffee.

I'm not going to wax poetic here about the entire experience, the pros and cons and the things I learned. But, surprisingly, finishing law school isn't turning out to be the glorious relief that every 2L waits for. All of a sudden it's hitting me that most of my friends from law school are leaving, and not in the moving-to-dallas-and-i'll-visit-often way. They're going away to semi-distant lands. Taking bar exams in other states, even. A number of my closest non-law school friends might be leaving as well. I love living in Austin, and being here is right for Matt and me, but it sucks when you have to make a new group of friends every four years or so as old friends leave town. For me it seems to be the girls that always leave. And don't get me wrong - I love my male friends, and I feel extremely blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. But who will I call when Nordstrom's has a shoe sale? Or when I hear a great name for my future hypothetical offspring?

I know that even if everyone who might possibly leave Austin in the next six months ends up leaving, there'll still be new friends to make. And there will be vacations to visit each other, and weekends trips, conferences, and all the other opportunities for spending time with the people I care about. But my friends are precious to me. I don't think there's anyone in the world who has girlfriends and wonderful as I do, and it hurts my heart to anticipate the void that will be in my life when this group of them moves away.

This week my two best friends from high school and I have been emailing each other on and off. One is already far away and the other is one who'll be moving elsewhere in Texas very soon. When we graduated from high school, I never had any doubt that the three of us would stay in touch. And I feel the same way about my other close girlfriends. We'll stay close, we'll laugh across phone lines, and relationships will evolve. But right now the idea of it just feels a little lonely. The past three years have been full of surprises, but the most wonderful surprise was the friends who've been there for me throughout law school.

Recently I saw a sappy chick-flick type of movie, the kind that I normally avoid, and I got another surprise when I started crying at the end. The movie is about sisters, and it very effectively used one of my favorite E.E. Cummings poems to expain the relationship between the sisters. And I thought of my friends, and how much I love them. I carry their hearts with me (I carry them in my heart.)