The American media is becoming more and more like a Fellini movie. A few minutes ago I saw Geraldo Rivera, that fountain of wisdom, saying that Court TV’s coverage of the Michael Jackson verdict was sensational and unprofessional. “Hmmm . . . .” I thought to myself, “Didn’t Geraldo get kicked out of Iraq for accidentally broadcasting sensitive information?” So that’s okay then. (Not that I don’t think Court TV is sensational and unprofessional). And what’s with that mustache, Geraldo? Are you auditioning for the new Super Mario Brothers movie?
In addition, did you know that E! has been showing re-enactments of the trial every day?? I didn’t. That means there’s some lame actor who gets to put on his resume that he played Michael Jackson for four months. Weird.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I thought that the news was supposed to be insightful. I must have that wrong. You can throw an elephant at the news for weeks without hitting anything that’s not worthless drivel. (NPR, my dearest – you know that I don’t include you in this rant. I’m yours forever.)
I’m especially annoyed with all of the celebrity oriented news. And why do we ask celebrities questions about the lives of other celebrities? How relevant is Nicole Kidman’s opinion on whether Michael Jackson can salvage his career?
Here are Nine most annoying things I’ve been seeing too much of on the news:
9. Russell Crowe. So he threw a phone. Meh. *Shrugs* Naomi Campbell did that like ten years ago.
8. Brad Pitt’s alleged affair with Angelina Jolie. This would have ranked higher, but they’re so pretty that it mitigates the nonsense. Plus, you know, they’re trying to helping kids.
7. All of this Tom Delay mumbo jumbo. Just kick his ass to the curb and stop wasting tax dollars and American brain cells. Tom Delay is becoming like the bad boyfriend who beats you, but you just keep going back. And I’m the friend who’s fed up with you going back to him over and over again. Come ON, people. How many times does he have to throw us down the stairs before we break up with him?
6. My enduring disgust for Paris Hilton had waned, but now I find that she’s engaged to a man who’s also named Paris. That is ridiculous. I decree that spoiled children of privilege must have a new name, and I declare that name to be Minneapolis. We don’t need more Paris’s.
5. Partisanism.
4. Media coverage on the media.
3. Obviously, the Michael Jackson verdict. But specifically, the headlines announcing the verdict via a play on one of his songs (Examples: “He ‘beat it’”, “Free Man in the Mirror”)
2. If I see Tom Cruise jumping up and down like a four year old again, I swear I will vomit. WHY ARE THE TWO OF YOU TORTURING US WITH YOUR LUDICROUS AND DISTURBING RELATIONSHIP? I refuse to refer to this by the kvetchy media name. Just make you damn movies and go home. Find a girlfriend who’s not a giraffe, stop trying to convince me that Scientology isn’t weird, and STOP JUMPING UP AND DOWN LIKE A FOUR YEAR OLD.
1. Anything involving efforts to impregnate pandas. If they’re that reticent about having panda sex, maybe they’re supposed to go extinct.
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1 comment:
Okay I disagree with you on three points.
1) Morning Edition and All Things Considered especially are full of fluff, granted it's intellectual fluff, but it is not news. NPR needs to learn to save the filler for its programs that do not bill themselves as news.
2) Tom Delay needs to be in prison. The things he did should be on the front page every day until he is carried out of office by a raging mob. America should be shocked and appalled by this man, when the media reports on this, they are doing their job.
3) The whole panda thing... that was a joke right?
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